i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
