I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
