On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
