I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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