We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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