The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
