Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
