I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
