DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
