She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
