Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
