I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
