Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
