I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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