Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
