Whod you bang
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
