Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Ketchup is God's man juice
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
