I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
