ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
