My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
tell me about the fingering
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