but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
