weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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