Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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