I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
