i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
