I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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