yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
