dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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