I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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