when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
