xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
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