Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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