from now on my penis is your penis
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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