You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
