is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
