Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
