I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
