i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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