If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
