how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
