checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
