I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
The power of my boobs compel you
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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