If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
