I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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