I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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