im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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