If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
