your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
