why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
