names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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