Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
